I molested 6 butterflies tonight
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize
