She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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