i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
