The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
