what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Randomize
