i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
organizing the empties. That sober.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
