Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
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