oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
