You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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