Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
