The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
