A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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