She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
