My friends, they love my intelligence
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
