He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
It was like getting head from an anaconda
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
