I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
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