i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
