No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
