He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
