All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
