I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Randomize
