Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
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