i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Randomize
