I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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