We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
