i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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