I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
