Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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