Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
