i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
