Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
