I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
