How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
we have pet lesbian snakes
whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Randomize
