how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
