We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Randomize
