Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
