I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
