just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Randomize
