someone threw a dead crab at me
Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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