her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
