I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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