Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
