I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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