if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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