The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
