Cold hands, warm shart.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
