she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
