So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
