i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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