Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
