why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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