U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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