I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I'm bleeding and have questions
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
