On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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