How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
