i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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